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Rox’s Story – Finding love in myself

Before I began practicing gratitude I had just broken up from a long-term relationship and was in a very dark place.
I saw my life as just getting through each day and found myself constantly crying at any little thing that reminded me of the person I was with before. I felt broken, lost and so lonely.
I learned about the art of practicing gratitude from a self-development course that I did and from that moment onwards a light appeared and possibilities began to open up for me.
Your perspective changes. Your heart feels at peace. You really appreciate the little things, the people in your life, your life.
I was now inspired and open to love again. To love me again was the biggest struggle and the most rewarding gift that I could give myself.
I learned to look after myself again, to go out and meet new people. I had no real “friends” just people I knew but no one that would ask me, “Hey, want to hang out or go for dinner?”
I took a deep plunge into the unknown and began to be open to what was possible and realized that I was the one that was limiting myself.
To break through the boundaries that we impose on ourselves in our minds stops us from that connection with others – for so long it was just me and this person that I was with, jealousy was a third person in our relationship which prevented us from having those connections with others.
I wanted to start practicing gratitude to see the beauty in the mundane. To see myself in the mirror and not be so hard and compare myself to all the people I see on social media but to be open and know that I am worthy and I am grateful for the God-given body that I am in and the mind that I have.
I found the Gratitude app like a breath of fresh air to remind me to reconnect to be grateful in my heart and mind. I had heard that men had to be a certain way and I had a checklist in mind to find the “right one” but when I gave that up I was open to so much more and found the love of my life was in front of me and within 2 years we got married, have a house and now a little baby.
I feel so blessed and grateful to have gone through this journey, to grow and to fall in love with myself again allowing someone else to love me wholly. Thank you.

Gratitude – The One Thing We All Need

We all know that gratitude is helpful and is a major cause of happiness. But, it’s even more than that. Find out here why we need gratitude in our lives.

What is something simple yet life-transforming? What can give you the most joyful perspective? What can help you form beautiful, lasting relationships? What can most effectively inspire happiness? And, what can (along with empathy) drastically change our society? You guessed it – Gratitude.
There’s a reason that in therapy, psychologists often recommend keeping a gratitude journal. The feeling and expression of gratitude is something that decorates your life without changing anything.
Regrettably, it’s one of those things that are so underestimated that they’re forgotten or worse, considered unreliable.
Take this blog post as a reminder that at any given time some amount of gratitude will help you as you go through your days. Who knows, it might be what saves you too.
Word of a friend: Keep in mind, that gratitude is not always whole, joyful, and overwhelmingly ecstatic. It’s sometimes just a warm hand to comfort the tears, just a reassurance in an ocean of fears, just a soft nod in the depths of desperate prayers.
You don’t have to have happiness to feel grateful. And, yes, just because it’s simple doesn’t mean it’s easy. But here’s why we must plow through and latch on to it:
1. It changes everything without changing anything
2. It helps improve your relationships significantly
3. It makes you a better person for the world
Why We Need Gratitude
1. Gratitude changes everything without changing anything
Gratitude is a lens, a perspective, a shift. As soon as we honestly switch it on, there’s a brightness of awareness. Suddenly, your mundane bedroom is noticeably valuable.
You’re grateful for the reliable bed you sleep and rest on, the warm blanket that protects you, and the frames on the wall that tell tales of eternal memories.
The bedside table that carries your diaries, the painting that your friend made of you on your birthday, and the speakers that sing your favorite tunes.
The windows that welcome light in, the balm that softens your lips, and if I promise to write it all, it might not end very soon.
All of this, and it’s only brushing the surface, is what I’m fortunate to have. This sudden awareness of blessings all around you and the warm feeling of gratitude for them is magical.
It’s what all of a sudden makes me realize that even if I spent half of my day worrying about a genuinely important matter, I can take a step back and know that all is not wrong.
Gratitude gives you hope and strength during times of distress. It’s that friend who walks alongside you without saying a word, who squeezes your shoulder when you need it, who reminds you to take a moment and know that it’s okay to relax, that it’s going to get better but they’re with you even when it isn’t.
Related: How to Enjoy Life As It Is
2. Gratitude helps ameliorate your relationships significantly
I think one of the main reasons that relationships suffer is that we start taking each other for granted.
That supposed honeymoon phase (in all types of relationships) owes its charm not just to novelty, but heightened patience, appreciation of each characteristic, efforts in ideation, and the fear of loss.
As time passes and we are sure of someone’s presence, we become comfortable and also start slacking. Even people who have good parents tend to not value them in each moment as they should.
Enter Gratitude, the healing light growing plants of taking notice, listening, patience, respect, adoration, and also the knowledge that what we have is precious and could very well be lost if we’re not careful.
Goes without saying, walk away from people that hold you down and harm your health. And, honor the ones that lift your spirits and treat you well.
I saw a video once of a bride and groom writing letters to each other for a time in the future when they would have their first fight.
Gratitude is that perspective. It brings you back to knowing how much you love and want that person and what they mean to you. Today, to everyone that you love, express your gratitude. A small step but with everlasting imprint.
Related: 40 Ways to Show Your Partner You Love and Appreciate Them
3. Gratitude makes you a better person for the world
As Gratitude heightens your awareness, you acknowledge the infinite ways that the world supports your life. It helps you recognize the things that you might be doing unconsciously that were causing harm to others.
You become grateful for everything that you receive and cherish each drop of water that nourishes you. Grateful people reduce waste, reduce suffering, and commit to making the world a better place in any way that they can.
As our planet now suffers because of countless recurrent mistakes, it is gratitude for our home which will make us protect and replenish it.
Related: 50 Swami Vivekanand Quotes for Deep Wisdom
As I said in the beginning, gratitude and empathy might be the two things that will help us save our home and build a beautiful society. Let us not take them lightly, but plant their trees in our hearts.
I wish you beautiful days. Also, if you found this helpful, let your friends and family know about it too 🙂 Take care.
Read Next 👉 Why Empathy Is One of the Most Important Life Skills
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Aarushi Tewari
The writer and affirmations speaker at Gratitude, Aarushi believes that one of the most effective ways of feeling inner peace is by being grateful and having a loving self-relationship.

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How to Stop Complaining and Live Gratefully

One choice that can change our lives.

“When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness.”
— Eckhart Tolle
Today we will learn how to stop complaining and make the choice of being grateful instead.
Let’s begin by understanding why we complain. According to Dr. Guy Winch, writer of ‘The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, Improve Your Relationships, and Enhance Self-Esteem’ – “We complain when we feel there is a significant gap between an expectation and reality.”
The root of complaining is wanting the truth to be something different. And, that is not wrong by any means. When there is a need for change in policies, in behaviors, in relationships, in the status quo, we must speak up and take action. This is imperative for our society.
However, when we complain, our cause might not need change and there is rarely any action. It’s just a waste of energy.
Some complaining might lead to bonding as we share mutual dissatisfaction with another person and vent our feeling together, but that too must be controlled and not form the foundation of a friendship.
I’m glad that you want to work on this because it’s going to bring such an important change in your personality making room for joy and peace.
Let’s now learn about the 5 main pillars of how to stop complaining:
Gratitude
Acceptance
Action
Mortality
Humility
1. Gratitude
Gratitude is, in practice, the antonym of complaining. It is a transition where we choose to look at what we can appreciate and feel blessed for instead of what is wrong. It is a simple life-altering choice.
While working on The Attitude of Gratitude Course, I thought over the topic ‘how to stop complaining’ deeply. Let me share an excerpt from the lesson Overcoming Obstacles where I talk about this:
“One obstacle that we often face – is that we complain or have difficulty removing our focus from whatever is wrong instead of the many things that are going okay.
This stems from negativity bias which not only registers negativity more but also makes us dwell upon it. One thing that the realization of this makes me think about is that I’ve called my brain’s bluff, now that I know what it is doing. It isn’t controlling me as dominantly now.
And, another helpful way is to understand why this exists. Let’s go back to our origins. The negativity bias back then helped us survive. Being on the lookout for all potential dangers was what was most important.
However now, we need to let our brain know that it’s okay. To know that life is an experience constituted by countless others and whenever something wrong happens there’s some good apart from it too.”
When we shift our focus from what we want or what could be and choose to appreciate what we have, gratitude walks in smiling. Remember that we wanted many of the things that we have now.
We have all been blessed with so much. We need to open up our eyes to that. There will always be something more, something else. So, we must cherish what is.
😇

5 Things to Do When You Compare Yourself to Others

Let’s learn how to use our energy in a healthier way!

On Day 3 of my 21-day Self-Love Course, I talk about overcoming comparison to other people as an important part of being a better friend to yourself.
As we have people around us that seem to be doing well and serve as examples of success or happiness, we might want to be like them somehow.
Maybe in terms of appearance, behavior, career choices, buying choices, vocabulary, or anything else.
All of this leads to comparison and measuring ourselves up against them.
It causes feelings of insufficiency and dissatisfaction with who we are. It also paints them up as perfect people who have it all good.
But, they don’t, no one does. They might even be comparing themselves to someone else, or you if they happen to know you.
But, there are much healthier ways to deal with this, and let’s dive into them today.
Here are 5 ways to help you stop comparing yourself to other people:
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Eliminate triggers
Don’t bring yourself into everything
Appreciate the good things about you
Appreciate and learn from others
Divert this energy into working
1. Eliminate triggers
Are there some certain stimulants of comparison in your life? I’ll be honest, it’s Instagram for me.
Looking at these beautiful women does make me feel that I’m not beautiful enough. It’s shocking because I don’t even think about beauty so much.
Why is Instagram doing this? So, first I put an app timer of 10 minutes so that I wouldn’t use the app for long.
But even then, it didn’t really get solved. So, I uninstalled the app.
This is the case for appearances. Sometimes, it’s about looking at other people, online or offline, and they seem to be doing so great.
Everything looks put together. And, dealing with this is not as simple as uninstalling an app. Let’s see what else we can do.
2. Don’t bring yourself into everything
Yep. When I compare myself to someone, I am critical of my tendency. Why exactly do I have to bring myself into this? Why am I obsessed with myself?
Since these are such visceral experiences, no one will guide me unless I express my thoughts. So, I talk to myself.
When you tend to compare yourself to someone, be direct with yourself. Not everything is about you.
It’s such a negative feeling, all of this. When we compare ourselves to someone, we want to feel better about ourselves.
So, mostly we’ll want to seem better than them. This manifests in thinking that we’re better or even saying mean things about the other person.
Let’s put a stop to this. This is not about you.
Although connected, we are all separate people. Why should we compare when it’s not leading to any good?
3. Appreciate the good things about you
All of us have great things about ourselves, and we have the capability to be even better.
So, what do you like about yourself? What are some things that others like in you? What are you appreciated for? How do you help those around you?
There is a lot of good in you. You need to transform your perspective to be healthier towards yourself.
Here are some gratitude prompts for self-appreciation:
What do you like most about yourself?
Write about a time when you challenged your comfort zone.
Express gratitude to yourself and the journey you’re having.
What are you always excited to do?
What is your strongest life value?
What is one part of your life that you won’t trade for anything?
What is something that was hard to do but you did it anyway?
How have you supported people throughout your life? Remember a time when you helped someone in need.
What are the steps that you have taken through the years that made you a better version of yourself?
What is your favorite part of your daily routine?
Read more: Self-Appreciation: What It Is & 7 Ways to Appreciate Yourself
4. Appreciate and learn from others
I just said that we need to form healthier perspectives toward ourselves, right? That applies to others too.
We don’t need to compare. We need to appreciate more. Everyone has great things about themselves. We learn from each other.
When there’s something about someone that you like, appreciate them for it, genuinely. And, learn.
There’s no shame in being inspired by others. How else would we be inspired? We are all connected.
5. Divert this energy into working
And, finally, let’s admit that comparison is a useless, negative, and draining activity. What does it lead to? We resent ourselves and other people.
If what they have is something that you genuinely want, work for it.
If it’s a healthier body or a richer vocabulary or better work or anything that is good enough to work for, then do it. Just don’t stay in this darkness.
You deserve peace and happiness.
And, that’s it! These were my 5 tips on how to stop comparing yourself to others. I hope this helped you. Trust me, I know how this feels.
Stay patient with yourself. Keep working on overcoming this. It’s a gradual process. I wish you the very best!
Continue reading: How to Stop Complaining and Live Gratefully