I want to share 2 Samuel 22:33-34 with you. http://bit.ly/habitbible?verse=2:Samuel:22:33-34

On the occasion and in the event that something happens, we don’t know why it does; it just does. There’s no explanation of it, or why it happened. We have no control of what happens in our lives. We cannot say what will, or what will not happen. We just have to find the solution to the problem.

Sometimes there is not an explanation. We just do our best to get through what happened. Everything will be fine. Everything will work out for the best. Life goes on, and we live one day at a time. We face the challenges that are set before us; whether we win or lose, we live to fight another day..

Not knowing why something happens is not for us to know. Things are not always for us to know. People should understand that they don’t always know what they are talking about in certain cases. It doesn’t matter what you think about something, you are not always right. They are not always right. There is always someone spouting bullshit and nonsense about shit they don’t know!!

I for one don’t care about what people say, how they feel, or how they think, or what they think, not even the one I am married to! I am the only one who knows what happened. It happened to me! I really get tired of speculation. I get tired of everything! I get tired of being accused and called everything except the child of God. I get tired of feeling like I am less than, and that what happened to me doesn’t matter, or that I am at fault for it.

I have been through so much this year. I have suffered so much for no reason. Things have happened to me that are unexplainable. What can one do? What can one say? How can one feel? I guess it is the way it is. I left and no one cared. I left no one followed. I left without saying anything to anyone. I don’t know if I will or want to return. I just need to be alone to find myself again. To get away from it all. To determine what I want to do, and to be in my life.

I feel that there is nothing else here for me to do, no place for me in this world. Everything falls apart, nothing ever works. It is hard to live when everyone accuses you of being something you are not, being judged for everything that happens in your life. For everything! Not being good enough, not perfect enough. Not anything to anyone, not loved and cared for, not wanted.

Ridiculed for everything that happens. No comfort, no care, nothing. How can one sleep knowing the one she loves doesn’t believe her? To be honest, she does not care anymore, and she is not worried about it anymore.

My husband made fun of me because of what happened to me yesterday and I am very unhappy. How can someone do that? How could he do that? I fainted and I don’t know why? I was at work when it happened. I am glad it happened at work and not while was driving home from work. I am thankful for my coworkers being there to help me. I feel like he would have rather me being behind the wheel driving and it happened to me so he would have something to talk about. I feel like he would have wanted me to hurt myself by hitting my head on something. Had there not been anyone there when it happened that would have been very bad. I really would have hurt myself.

He should have cared, but all he did was complain about having to wait with me at the hospital. He even said that the doctor would not see me because he did not believe me about what happened to me; he thought it was corny. Just because my tests were fine doesn’t mean that everything is fine, something is causing this to happen. What kind of husband says that to his wife!?! I have so much hate in my heart right now!!

I don’t know if I can forget about this! I don’t know if I can forgive him for this! He laughed at me when my accident happened that could have cost me my life last year. Knowing that he does not care about what happens to me hurts. It hurts very deeply in my heart.

I am falsely accused of everything and everyone because of the way I look. I know that I am attractive, and I know I am beautiful, but I am not going to cut my nose off to spite my face to make others happy, or to make myself less attractive. I did not create myself, so that is something they will have to talk to God about. I am who I am and I am not going to change how I look for anyone.

Yes, I was born beautiful. I was born kind knowing how to treat people, but I refuse to be falsely accused of anything. I know I used a few choice words at the beginning, and I mean every one of them; it doesn’t make me any less of a Christian, so don’t judge me. I will always say what needs to be said.

All I have is today to make the choice I want to make. Time will not standstill. My heart is sad. Until next time, thank you for joining me on my journey with Food for the Soul. God bless.