I missed you today dear brother. It seems like you just left. I know you have been gone for a very long time though. There are times when I want to talk to you about things. Things that I know you could have helped me with. Sometimes I wish that you were here to talk to your niece about the choices she made. I tried my best, but I guess it wasn’t good enough, or maybe she didn’t care to listen.

WHY I TALK TO MY BROTHER AS IF HE IS STILL HERE

I talk to my brother as if he is still here because it is the way I deal with the grief of him being gone. I know it may sound crazy to you, but it is how I also do not forget him. It is how I hold on to the memories we had as children and after we became adults. I miss him everyday of my life. Even though we had our differences we still loved one another. Before he passed away he told me that he loved me. He told me that for the first time in my life, and in his life. I will never forget it as long as I live.

So, it is alright to talk to someone you love as if they are still here. You can speak to God and talk about them, or just say what you think they would say to you if they could. It gives me joy knowing that I will see him in heaven someday. Until then I will hold on to the memories I have.

Lately I have been on an emotional roller-coaster. There has just been one thing after another. I don’t understand why. I know for sure it is not my job, because I enjoy my work.

I have been weeping for what seems like forever now. Things are out of control. It is like I am in this valley and I cannot find my way out. It is as if all of the doors with joy are closed. This month has been filled with sorrow. A little joy sprang up, but just for a little while. Lately, I have found myself upset in my dreams as in reality. It is like a lucid dream that is happening in reality.

I have been weeping so much that my eyes burn. Hearing certain music, a memory of the past, and not understanding why sickness has tried to overtake my body. Some days I feel like I just want to scream!! Sometimes I wish I had wings to fly away to a solitary place of solitude and just be still in the quietness of it. If I could get away from all of the stress in the world it would be a miracle, but until then I guess I will have to pick the battles that I want to fight.

I cannot let my tears cause me to become depressed. I cannot let my emotions overtake me. I don’t mind weeping for joy, but with that it brings laughter and a smile where there was a frown. As I have always heard; weeping is cleaning for the heart and soul. When it is an on going thing there is not any joy in it. It makes the body tired and weak.

I just hope and pray that this weeping will stop. The sooner I get off of this emotional roller-coaster the better I will feel. Keep me in your prayers. Thank you for joining me on my journey with Food for the Soul. God bless.